


Moments in a life

by aschicca



Category: Queer as Folk US
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:39:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he thought about it he realized that life was but a collection of moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments in a life

Sunday’s dinner at Deb’s was in full swing. From the backyard where he had escaped to have a smoke, Brian still heard all the chattering and clattering from inside. As much as he enjoyed being alone and not being part of that enormous noise that was Debbie’s house, Brian admitted to himself that those sounds, now that they were just a background buzzing, weren’t exactly disturbing for him. They were almost reassuring. 

At his parents house, the house where he had spent his childhood, silence was the norm. But it wasn’t a peaceful, reassuring silence. It was the oppressive silence of his mother passed out drunk on the couch, empty bottle still firmly held in her hand. It was the blessed silence left behind by his father after he’d gone away with a slam of the door, the kind of silence you equally wish for and dread because you know it won’t last. It was the scared silence he and his sister tried to keep, hoping without hope to be ignored and be able to escape their mother’s cruel remarks or their father’s blind, alcoholic anger.

And when the silence inevitably ended and noises replaced it… it was even worse. Something crashing, a hand hitting, angry voices screaming hurtful words, pained voices begging, pleading… _no more, please, no more_. Cries. Claire’s sometimes but more often… _his_. 

Shaking his head, Brian took a long drag from his cigarette and blew out these thoughts along with the smoke. He had no idea how the memories of living in the Kinneys house had wormed their way into his mind that night, but he had every intention of suffocating and burying them once again as deeply as he could.

A car passed in front of Debbie’s, loud music from one of its open windows suddenly permeating the air… only to vanish a moment later when the car continued its run. Nothing lasted, Brian found himself thinking. Not the music, not the happy noises that kept coming from Deb’s kitchen, not the silence. Everything changes, nothing lasts. When he thought about it – and Brian tried really hard _not_ to think about it, even if some times, times like that night, he failed to keep his resolve strong – he realized that life was but a collection of moments: 

Moments he wished went away quickly but lasted an eternity… his father kicking his already sore ribs because he dared to sit on the sofa watching a movie, his mother yelling at him what a failure he was. A parking lot, blood everywhere, blood on a blond head and a white face, a litany of “no, no, no, no, no.. God!”.

Moments he wished would last for an eternity and went away quickly… the warmth of Deb’s house every time he sought refuge there after a particularly rough night, the quiet way Vic listened to Brian without judging him, a skilled blowjob at Babylon. A hand on his shoulder, the hand of a boy who feared touch and yet had touched Brian after just a slight hesitation, his voice saying “It wasn’t your fault,” and the first hug that boy allowed himself to feel. In Brian’s arms once again with no blood on their clothes.

Moments when the silence wasn’t scary anymore…. a night in, working at their respective computers, both concentrated on their work yet acutely aware of the other’s presence. Reassuring. Warm.

Moments when the noise wasn’t as disturbing anymore… just a moment earlier inside Deb’s kitchen, when the almost unbearable fuss was easily endured if a gentle hand massaged the inside of his thigh and winking eyes bared the promise of future pleasures.

Moments Brian had learned to appreciate, moments he didn’t want to lose anymore. His time with Gus. Being a father, one whose silence would never mean fear for their son.

Moments like this one, when his solitude led him to reflect on his life with no apparent reason to spark those reflections. Moments blessedly interrupted by hands circling his waist, a kiss between his shoulder blades and a voice.

“What’s keeping you out here so long? It’s cold, and Debbie is about to serve dessert.”

“What makes you think I’m interested in Debbie’s bomb of calories?” Brian replied smiling.

“Oh sorry, let me correct that.” Justin’s hand released Brian’s waist and he turned to face his lover while he ‘corrected’ the supposed offence. “Debbie is about to serve dessert and _I_ am about to get a double helping so _you_ can pretend not to eat anything while you steal most of the cake from my plate.”

Laughing and cuffing Justin affectionately upside the head, Brian leaned down to kiss Justin’s lips.

“Or,” Brian said after ending the kiss, “we could ask them to pack some of that cake for you and, once home, you could eat it off my cock.”

“Sounds like a plan, but I think we should ask for that second helping. Wouldn’t want you to miss a taste.”

That said, a smiling Justin moved to get back inside. He opened the door completely and stopped on the threshold to wait for Brian. The music and the voices from Debbie’s house were now a lot more than just a background, and the light that came from the inside illuminated Justin’s blond hair. 

Brian took a moment to appreciate the view, then moved to step inside with his lover. Life was but a collection of moments. And, Brian thought, you need to appreciate them to the fullest.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the following prompt given to me by a dear friend: I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments (from the Sandman comics.)


End file.
